I found this picture while clearing out the junk in my room today. It was a picture of the character Bert from Saseme Street. I remember drawing Bert when I was very young, maybe during kindergarten days. It was my very first drawing, and drawing was my passion back then. Back then having a passion for drawing is almost impossible. DRawing blocks were expensive and all i had was rough paper. Any documents of some sort, as long as they were good. I had to steal tracing paper from my granny's sewing table to trace out Bert and his sandwich. And every drop of ink from my so called marker pens are extremely worth more than gold. I drew Bert one afternoon with no intention of anything. I just drew him and imagination flowed freely. When you were young you don;t actually know what passion is, you merely feel it. That's what happened to me. That same afternoon Daddy came home and I showed him my Bert. He liked it and decided to frame it. Suddenly I was esctatic. My drawing was appreciated in a simple manner, and it was going to be framed and displayed proudly. I felt that I had accomplished something. My first achievement. But most importantly, my Daddy liked it. And so Bert was framed up and it made me feel so proud of myself. My Bert and me. More twenty years passed and two houses later, Bert came and went. Sometimes I see him, sometimes I don't. Finally as the years went on, Bert remained quiet whle I moved on with life. Until today, when we finally got reunited, suddenly I felt a sudden nostalgic rush sweeping over me. Bert came back. This time without a frame, worn, tired, torn and tattered. In that quiet moment time stood still. Bert reminded me of that afternoon i drew him. The same afternoon I showed Daddy and his joy upon seeing Bert. In all the splendour of what used to be a beautiful painting, here in my hands lay a piece of my past. The only treasure that had stayed with me throughout my growing up years. It was serence and peaceful, for life had not haunt the drawing the way it haunted me. Like a time capsule, Bert broght me back to the days where everthing was carefree and never was there a thing to worry about. It was such a beautiful charade, being young and free. Rules were non existent and every single day is a joy lived to the fullest. Those fairytale moments, angelic moments of my lifetime. Happy families radiating with genuine love. There were no bad people and evil only exist in hell, where thieves go after they die. I was on top of the world, where the stallion meets the sun. A world where both Mummy and Daddy loved me.There was unlimited sunshine, and I did not want it to end. Bert would want me to know that life would soon turn out to be a battlefield. A lesson learnt, that the way of the world teaches us that when you place your stakes too high, you are bound to lose. Many times i reflect upon this life alone, or in a crowded room, i tend to miss out one very important thing. That God put me on this earth with a purpose. That purpose in life, I swear i do not know. The missing element, misplaced in all the right places. Every day and moment spent, without realising it might never come back. Until today, I have not found what I have been looking for. Beneath the softness of every moonlight, I would dream for an answer. But a fairy had yet to fly by and wisper an answer. When I looked at Bert again, I remember a time where I thought I had knew all there is need to know about life. I locked up all my fears and didn't realise I was being so naive. Each time I tried to close an episode, the deviis start to haunt me. Sometimes I do not know how to deal with my emotional demons. I didn;t know all this were part of growing up. Nobody taught me. Many a time, I do not like what life tried to show me. I hide behind a door. And i would whisper a silent prayerr. I had wanted a happy family like before. I had wanted things to go back the way it was before. I do not want any tragedy. Wise men would say this is all part and parcel of growing up. But i do not want to warp my parcel like this. Mine would be a bright and cheery gift wrap. God, I was too blind. I got lost in this game and all my hopes gone with the wind. Isnt this a game of chance? I would believe so. I might not know where im heading for, but i know i was never alone. There were a lot of things I cannot deny and while growing up, that was not easy task to deal with. In a glance, the picture seem perfect. Beneath the canvas, silent tears drop one by one. I do not know where to begin. Fate determines everything. When things get too difficult, I just break diwn and give up. Not healthy, I know. I do not have answers and only this much i can say...Im only human. Bet came back to my life and he will remind me that I was once again that little boy who drew him. Who once had passion and lived a life of candy and sweet melodies. I will move on. Once again, let the batle begins.
